Saturday, August 15, 2009

Divinity School Application for Liberals

Beginning term: [_] Fall [_] Spring [_] Summer ___ [_] Other?

Indoctrination: [_] Master of Divinity [_] M.Div./MA Counseling [_] M.Div./JD

[_] M.Div./MBA [_] Certificate Health and Spirituality [_] PhD [_] DMin [_] Exploratory

Personal Information

Imposed Name: ____________

Patriarchal Name: _________________

Real Name: ____________

Are you a citizen of the American Empire: ______ Why:_______________________________

Where the Federales Deliver Your Documents______________________________________

Institutions of Past Indoctrination and / or Liberation


School: ___________________________________

Location: _________________ Years Attended: _______

Degree: Yes / Not a meaningful concept. Major(s): __________________ GPA? ____

List all the good you did, including marches, protests, speeches, and sticking it to the man: _____________________________________________________

Ever suspended, dismissed, or arrested? Yes / hell yes / not yet

List all other schools through which you passed on your pilgrimage to your true self:

School: ___________________________________

Location: _________________ Years Attended: _______

School: ___________________________________

Location: _________________ Years Attended: _______

Specialized Training or Skills, especially in useful areas
(organic horticulture, interpretative dance, deconstruction of metanarratives, making tea, guitar, etc.) _________________________________________________

Demographic Information (so the government knows how much money to give you)

My ancestors were oppressed by Europeans by [_] being taken from Africa in slavery [_] Spanish colonization of the “New World” [_]colonization of Asia [_] conquest of the Pacific Islands [_] English colonization of the “New World” [_] economic exploitation of globalization OR [_] I have benefited from the exploitation of other peoples (I’m white, but overcoming)

Gender: M/F/L/G/B/T/Q [_] Other________

Political Affiliation: [_] Democratic Party [_] Green Party [_] Freedom Socialist Party [_] Labor Party [_] Peace and Freedom Party

Involvement in Church?

[_] spiritual not religious [_] worship the goddess within [_] worship the earth [_] oldline liberal [_] evangelical (I like the music and the gym) [_] Episcopal

I certify that all the information provided on this application, any attached paperwork, and the attached essays are accurate and truthful even though we all know that truth is a relative term that supports the entrenched power of elite institutions and contributes to the oppression of peoples everywhere.

Click here to read all of the application.


Joe Rawls said...

The seminary curriculum needs to add certificates in ecclesiastical event planning as well as spiritual life coaching--or, for the more advanced, concierge spiritual direction.

Steve Hayes said...

So there's liberal fudge and liberal goo too -- what's new?

Don C. said...

LOL, I really needed this today!